How to Live Life Based on Your Values

Values-based living is an important principle in my clinical practice and personal life. I encourage everyone to evaluate their values regularly – and check to see how their life is aligning with the principles that they find the most important. 

Perhaps you are reading this and aren’t exactly sure what “values” I am referring to. People sometimes get values mixed up with goals. Goals are more fixed and finite – things like graduating from college, getting married, going on your dream vacation. Values are more like guiding principles that illuminate the way you want life to feel.  

For example, your values list might include words like friendship, family, nature, travel, truth, authenticity, adventure, humor, creativity, leisure, and so on. These are not things that can be simply crossed off a list, but much more nuanced ideas.

People don’t always love the idea of values – especially those of us who might be a bit higher-strung and like things to be concrete. It is okay if it isn’t your favorite thing, it is a very worthwhile exercise all the same.  

I usually ask people to look at a list and identify words associated with values that resonate with them. I have them narrow down the words until they come up with 5-7 value words. With each word, I will ask them about how this value is currently represented in their life, and ways that they could enhance this value in their life.  

So if nature is an important value to them, they might say this is emulated because they already run most mornings outside. They might say that they want to enhance the value of nature by going on hikes more regularly, walking the dog after work, or planting a small garden with their kids this summer.  

When we get clear on our values, our life gets a lot better. We are often groomed from a young age to look to achieve the next big milestone. We can get to a place where we get a sense of “now what?” and feel an understandable amount of listlessness. This can make us feel sad, depressed, anxious, the list goes on and on. Values work helps us identify ways to enhance our lives that will be meaningful.  

Another thing that might become clear is the things that do not show up on the list. What are the things that suck your time and energy away from getting to what is on your values list? Is it important? You might find ways to streamline these tasks or eliminate them altogether. A great example might be spending time with your extended family. This might mean that you might feel the need to entertain, prepare a meal, clean the house, etc. which might NOT be part of your values. This might be a time to consider the value for what it is and making a game plan for the workaround for the parts you don’t love. This might mean meeting family at the park, inviting them over for takeout pizza, or hosting informal get-togethers that place fewer expectations on the parts of entertaining that you dislike. If you don’t plan for this, you might avoid living according to the value because there is too much work or time at stake.

I encourage you to grab your phone and start listing your words. Brainstorm how you want to emulate these words in your everyday life. Show up in your life in ways that are meaningful to you.